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Making a member: Pontificating on Bigfoot’s dick

Who’s ready for some “AiPT! Science — Behind the Scenes”?

Sometimes as an editor, you have to solicit stories you don’t want to. For a few days I sat in quiet amusement as everyone marveled at the Virginia congressional race that now features one candidate accusing another of being a devotee of “Bigfoot erotica.”

Seriously, you didn’t know that’s a thing? Old news!

As the story persisted in the public consciousness, a hard (no pun intended) realization crept up on me. As stewards of all things pop culture and paranormal, AiPT! Science was going to have to address this. But where’s the fresh angle?

Thanks, Leslie Cockburn (I swear, you can’t make this up), for pointing out the giant, black bar across Bigfoot’s junk. If Bigfoot were a real animal, though, just how big would that bar be? Given what we know about primate anatomy and what we “know” about Bigfoot behavior, can we make some educated guesses about the pipe he’s swinging?

Zoologist and author of the speculative biology book The Cryptozoologicon, Darren Naish (Twitter handle “@TetZoo”), was inspired. As was comedian and anthropologist, Kyle Marian.

From there, it was off to the genital races.

https://twitter.com/kylemarian/status/1024412300843859969

And they say scientists think too much.

A day later, this was born.

I regret nothing.

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